--The end-- 1996There is a grandmother to find a paper-box, with her frozen hands. She looks like 60 years, old woman. But her step is powerful, except her bent back. She has two granddaughters at home, and two granddaughters were the students of elementary school. To this paper grandmother, the way to live is to find paper-boxes from morning to night, and to sell them. When I go to company in the morning, or when I come back from the company, I use to meet that paper grandmother. For several years, I have seen her. At first, I did not watch her, unintentionally, but after I have seen her picking up paper-boxes and tie up them with string, and carry them on her back, and move around from elementary school to subway station, I could not help watching her intentionally. So, unintentionally, I asked her, "What do you do, grandmother(korean old woman)?" "Yes, I, me...." She just said so. I thought that she was shy of receiving greetings from me, just looking like gentleman.... But in cold winter, in hot summer, everyday, she was moving to find paper-boxes with her hand's string. I watched her, too. I thought, 'To live, she must do that job? ah.......' I am a salary man of dirty city, but I am sick, in mind. But she looked very healthy. I could not believe that she was over 60 years old, because her step was fast, her eyes were clean, except small body. "How old are you" One day, I asked her. "Me?...72 years old...., But these days I am not in good condition." She said so. I was wrong. She was busy to find paper-boxes, It was better, than talking with me. I thought so... She receives 100$ every month from government, because she is old and poor. And she earns 400$ for selling paper-boxes monthly. With that money, they have lived. After her son was dead by car accident, her daughter-in-law went out home. So paper grandmother have lived with her granddaughters, she said so, with her wet eyes.. My eyes were wet too, hearing that Her granddaughters missed their father and mother so much, every night... I thought that I must help that grandmother. But it was just thoughts. White color... With y-shirts, necktie, western clothes, black bag, I go to company and come back like feedback machine everyday. I am a just powerless modern city man... Just crying, not help. I have always played the hypocrite. One day, I was drunk, I met grandmother by accident. "Good night, grandmother?" I said. She was carrying many paper-boxes on her back. The desert autumn wind was going to sub way station stairs. Above the high sub way bridge, the full moon was shining. "You are late, tonight.... You are a little drunken. haha..." She said. "Yes, I am late today.. and I drank a little.... Did you sell m any paper-boxes today?" I asked. "Ya-, no, always...." She answered. At that time, I found a truck across the street which sell fruit. They were selling fruit at blue 1 ton truck, As it was expensive, so I did not usually buy there. But this time, I thought ' I'd like to buy fruit for this grandmother.' "Grandmother-, please wait a minute...." I run across the street before I finished saying so. The truck was full of appels, grapes, and persimmons. I bought them. "Grandmother, Please take these, and help yourself, granddaughters, to the fruit." I said so. But she was surprised, said, "no. no.... I can not...." At last, I gave the fruit to grandmother, and returned home, singing, watching the the full moon, feeling cool wind. It was the joy of life, I have not felt it for long time. I was happy. Tha t day was different from another days, because I used to return home with hard, fixed face. 'This is real life', I thought. One winter day.... When I step down the stairs of sub way, I saw the grandmother, and followed her unintentionally. 'how does she live...?' The grandmother was walking through the narrow dirty lane, and entered the wooden, creaking out-door. I just had to stand there. I could not only enter, but also come back. The cold wind was blowing. following night. The wooden door was creaking, by wind. There were no stars, no moon in the sky, looked like snowing. I peeped over the wooden out-door at the grandmother's poor house. I thought there were two homes in one house, the grandmother borrowed one room. At that small lighted room, I thought, the grandmother and two daughters in low would live..... It was very poor house, with creaking roof, broken door.. I was just waiting, smoking, fidgeting. At that moment, somebody opened the wooded our-door. I was frightened, turned my back, just like a criminal. I could not look back, but heard the sound, creaking, closing the door... I turned again. Beside the rubbish box, the briquet(korean used this to heat the underground of room, from outside) was spouting hot gas. From the cold ground, the smell of briquet's gas was unbearable. There was no reason I was staying. I returned home, walking through snow, preying for that family... Several days later, I drank much with friends of the company, so drunken, climbed down the sub way stairs, and bought the fruit at that 1 ton truck, walked, to the grandmother's house recklessly. It was deep night, but to drunken man, time was not important. I knocked the wooden out-door strongly. I became sober time to time because of cold strong winter wind. There was a sound of shoes, slided, and the out-door, opened. "Excuse me...., Isn't this the grandmother's house?" I asked a woman, she looked like householder, over 40. "What?" A woman answered. I asked, "Don't you know.... the ...paper....grandmother?" "Died!" I did not understand that word, so I asked once more, "No,... Don't you know... the paper grandmother who sell the paper boxes,,, and live with her granddaughters?" "Who earthly are you? I said All died two days ago because of the briquet's gas poisoning!" "What?" I was very frightened, got sober suddenly. But the out-door was already closed. I sat down in front of the out_door, and thought what a woman said. '......All died two days ago because of the briquet's gas poisoning....' The fruit was falling down from my paper bag.
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